I had just finished the best year of my career where my program team made heroic efforts and delivered on the second largest initiative in a Forbes Top 20 company. Without the success of our work, there would be no launch. Something I was reminded of daily by the executive team. We sacrificed significant time away from our families working 100+ hour weeks.

After a successful delivery, I was up for promotion, received awards, got to present with the CIO with 1000’s in attendance - the CEO followed our segment. What an experience! My childhood dream of succeeding in a big company was coming to light. The awards and flashy stuff didn’t matter though as I was delivering value and building trust.

Shortly after launch, I made a decision that changed everything. I accepted a role with the team I just delivered for. Mentors advised me to stay in my current role to secure a nice promotion, big bonus, and generous stock that came with being in the top 20% performer category.

I should have listed to them. But, I trusted the new leaders, so when they offered me the moon, I was sold. They gave me their word positive things were coming.

Within 30-days my boss put a manager between us. This wasn’t part of the plan they sold me on. It was more like one year, not one month.


Why the target? An email.The worst part, they got to write my annual review. Why? Timing. I was given the 'BLACKLIST' review, which meant you get nothing. ZERO. But wait, I received 5 awards and was hand selected to present with the CIO on the success of the program. My manager did go against HR policy and let me find another job internally. That was nice.

I landed a new role and on the first week I had my actual annual review and my new boss joined. I had already been told about the underperform review, just didn't know how they positioned it given my successful year.

Around minute 15, my now new boss says, "I need to talk to Jay in the hall.". He said, "I've worked here 15-years and am embarrassed to say I do after hearing this review knowing what you accomplished last year. You’re being attacked. I'm so sorry, please take the week off and I will handle this.".

You see... no matter how much I did, or how good I did it, it was never enough. All they did was load me up with work then tell me I wasn't doing it right. Everything was a setup to ruin my positive reputation.

I was advised to pursue legal actions, which I started. But, told by HR they will stall until I have no more money.

Little did I know the impact this event would have on me going forward. The work stress and bullying caused physical and psychological issues. Panic attacks suck, especially when they land you in the ER.

In the end, I lost 40-pounds from letting fear run my life and learned all about depression and anxiety. Mental health issues aren't fun, but sometimes we are our toughest opponent.



Then, 2017 knocked me out when my wife of 14-years said...

It's Divorce!

We tried to salvage our marriage. The problem, she was in a different place in life and being influenced by others. I fought and fought and gave every ounce of me to save our family, but it wasn’t enough and she was done. My fight only pushed her away more. DAYS BEFORE MY 40TH BIRTHDAY, SHE PACKED UP AND MOVED OUT. I became okay with everything, however.

When I didn't have my girls, I SPIRALED.

“My girls are my whole world and my wife tried limiting conversation time. Said it wasn’t healthy for them to talk to me during transition.”

Anger, drinking, resentment, and self-doubt controlled me, and I grew strong dislike for many, especially the ones I called family because they labeled me names I wasn’t and walked away. It’s like they were happy. As a loyal person to these individuals, that hurt.

Times got dark and I began destroying myself. I was broken. All driven by loss. Loss of my marriage, family, and having my girls part-time.

From the outside, everything looked great for me, but I was dying inside. I don't talk about the really dark days as it’s only good in certain scenarios.

One night, as the house was spinning and I tried maintaining balance, holding the walls, heart pounding, working my way to the bedroom from too much alcohol, I knew... YOU have to get a hold of this!

I woke up and said NEVER AGAIN, and became mad with myself. At that point I had a choice, to make a change, or not. I had two big photos of my girls in the bedroom, and the decision was simple. I WILL NOT LET THEM DOWN.

Along with my girls, I had two people in my corner who gave me courage and helped me realize I was enough. They didn’t know it then, but they kept me from the negative and was my positive influence. They were my light in the dark, and I am forever grateful for them.

It became MY MISSION to become the best version of myself, for ME. THAT WAS MY MEDICINE. And, I couldn't let my people down. It’s a loyal person thing.



ROMANS 8:18: The PAIN you've been feeling can't compare to the JOY that's coming!

This was my constant reminder that "MY PAST DIDN'T EQUAL MY FUTURE".

Truth is, between 2010 and 2018 I let fear run my life.

I spent years living in the past, tried to perfect my future, thought I wasn’t enough and had poor habits. I did a lot of comparing and consistently beat myself up for past mistakes. In short, "I" was my biggest problem.

The issue in 2010 had nothing to do with me being mentally weak. I'm the one people ask, how are you so calm in the middle of a storm. Losing out on the promotion and money sucked for sure, but money and titles don't bring me joy. The real issue was trust, and how I was treated after giving these people I knew my all.

Then when 2017 surfaced, I lost trust with my number one. Her betrayal spawned a lot of anger, sadness and confusion and my life slowly spiraled out of control. As people became aware, those in her corner were great at pointing at my faults. It's like I was the reason. See the similarities to 2010?

I forgave my wife, and eventually thanked her for what happened. Why? Because her infidelity taught me valuable lessons about me as a person. Listen, nobody is perfect. Even though it caused me significant pain, I wouldn’t change a single thing as it made me stronger and forced me to look deeper within, and brought people into my life that I needed.

I look at life very different now. The issue in 2010 caused me to have self-trust issues and gave me lessons on mental health. 2017 taught me the real lesson, that I am good enough. See, I didn't love myself as I was too worried about everything else, and in order to trust others, I had to trust myself first.

That morning I said never again, I immediately stopped drinking and eventually stopped training and focused on ME. I loved training as it was something my dad and I did when I was younger, but it infused my anger. It wasn’t the classes, it was the hours at home beating a bag to the point it fell out of the ceiling, then I’d just do ground work before finding another stud.

I had to ease the pain of my hardened heart and eliminate the anger. Did a lot of self-reflection and learned the real meaning of forgiveness. My hardest conversations were in front of the mirror. I was hard on myself.

I’ve done a lot of reading, research and self-experimentation, and the process starts with YOU, nobody else. If you're ready to find YOU again… LET'S BRING A NEW YOU TO REALITY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.


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